I need to get something off my mind before I can continue my story of the earlier posts. For the last couple of days I’ve been bothered by a thought - “why is it so difficult to let go of friends who are detrimental?”
I have been friends with a man for a couple of years, and he has been nothing but drama in the last two weeks. He’s been moping around ever since he found out that I have feelings for another man. A man, according to him, that does not deserve my attention. He cannot believe that after two years of being friends I do not care about how he feels - angry, hurt, and stupid.
Yes, he has been trying to send me on a guilt trip, but it is not working and now we have silence between us. I hope that he will get over it and understand that
a) He missed out with all his procrastinating. I knew this man had feelings for me (I did not beyond friends) but he did not do squat! He was convinced that had he been with me, eventually I would have fallen for him, the same way I had so fast for the new guy. I don’t believe it. One thing I know about myself (been tested), I do not develop feelings for someone over time if there was no initial flicker.
b) I never let him know that I have feelings for him beyond ‘friends’.
I did make a mistake! We had sex six times but he paid me for each encounter. He paid me like he would a prostitute. There was no discount.
Why did I have sex with him if we were friends? I wanted to get him hooked but not in a lovey-dovey way. Hooked for sex so that I can have a steady income with a minimal amount of risk… There I go again, my entrepreneur playing with a man’s heart.
I do not feel bad. I just find it difficult to let him go as a friend. I enjoyed our conversation (at times). I just need to keep straight. It’s like getting off drugs that you know are bad for you. I have to let him go because all his negative energy isn’t healthy.
How long will it take before I forget about him?
If you had sex with this man six times and he paid you for each encounter, then I would suggest to you that you do not have feelings for him at all, but perhaps feel a little sorry for him?
ReplyDeleteHe should know that by the simple action of he paying you, and you taking the money that he was not capturing your heart, but perhaps was clutching at straws?
It won't take long.........
I am friends with an escort that I see. We have a great time together...and have had some drama. I pay for sex with her...for the same reason that I pay for a doctor's visit at my friends clinic. It is her business.
ReplyDeleteI SHE wants to have sex with ME and not charge...I am all for it, but I do not expect it.
I want to know about the sugar daddy, this is something that I would LOVE to have!
@ Sarah: Thanks for the comment. I understand your point of view, 'if he paid for sex then he was not capturing my heart'. It's true in this case but it's not always black/white like this. You will see in my later posts why... :)
ReplyDelete@ Kenny: Thanks for being my first follower! ;)
I will keep updating this journal soon. There is still a lot to tell. :)