Valentine’s Day morning I sent a text telling my boy that I’ve made up my mind to end things between us. That this decision was for the best, I couldn’t carry on any longer.
He never responded…
I like to delude myself. It’s true. When I met him I loved the idea of falling in love and so I let myself think that he could accept me - me the escort. How can someone change the stripes that were ingrained for years by a strict religious mother and two crazy over-protective sisters? Not a momma’s boy, not the baby of the family!
And as the days went along I felt him distancing himself from me. “Why did you have to tell me you are an escort?” He asked me this immature question three times. And each time I would explain that honesty is better than living in a lie. Would he really know me if he didn’t know who I am? I didn’t think so…
The night before Valentine’s Day I called and confronted him. “I can’t help but feel a change between us. Like you aren’t as interested in me as you used to be.”
“Ooh…I can’t understand why you’d feel this way. I’m sorry.” He said into the phone.
The examples I gave to him were very obvious -
1) No longer planning on seeing me. Compared to asking me and making plans for the next time we’d see each other.
2) Telling me that he’d rather spend time with me than go to the gym. Compared to going to the gym every day after work. Resulting in him getting home at 9 every night. Doesn’t leave much time to hang out.
3) Taking forever in answering my text messages. Compared to texting me all the time.
The more significant reason was not taking me out. I realized that he just might not have any ideas so I did some research and found a band I wanted to go see in concert. They were going to be in our city middle of March and surprise surprise several tickets were still on sale! I sent him a text telling him about the band coming to our city. He told me he has heard of them but couldn’t remember any of their songs.
“I’ll check them out and if I like them, I think it would be fair for us to go.” He told me.
Days went by and he kept saying he didn’t have the time to look them up. First of all, I cannot believe a guy would tell me that ‘it be fair for us to go’ if he likes the band. Seriously?! What about taking a girl out because it’s just a nice thing to do? Do I need to say more? LOL No…
It's funny too, that Valentine's morning I woke up to find several emails from my clients wishing me a Happy Valentine's Day. But I never heard from my boy...Not that I expected anything from him, but I was hoping he'd at least wish me a good day. And so I felt there was no recovery; the relationship was doomed from the start. And I finally stopped hoping that things would change. I had to move on to save my precious time. :)
Sad. An escort friend of mine just quit the biz because she started dating someone. After about a week things became apparent that he could not handle the escort thing and started being really mean to her. She is working again, and much more protective. This has happened to her before.
ReplyDeleteHugs and kisses to you.
Funny, I sent my providers a Happy Valentines also...I wondered how they would receive them but figured...oh well.
M,Sorry to hear it did not work out. We are supportive of you but that may be of little consolation given our anonymity. Hopefully, you find it cathartic to share your experiences in this blog. We all want to find someone to connect with but the barriers are difficult to overcome.
ReplyDeleteYou don't want and cannot have a relationship with a client. It is difficult to find a partner that will accept their partner sharing their body with another, regardless of whether this is escort or adult films. Sugar arrangements are dead ends and temporary.
Does it only work once one leaves the lifestyle? Or does one have to be resigned to some distance between us and those we are with no matter how transient the relationship is?
I'm so sorry it didn't work out. But I guess in a normal relationship people are tempted be exclusive to each other. Just very few people can accept this type of relationship.That will take some time to find them...wish u luck. x
ReplyDeleteI'm actually in kinda same situation, but it's 2 SDs. I don't know if I should bring up the topic that I have double SD arrangements...tough decision!
would you prefer not to tell the truth next time?
xoxo
E
@ Kenny:
ReplyDeleteThanks :) Kisses back to you!
@ brit:
Yea it definitely helps me writing about what happens :) I like sharing my experiences for those that might be wondering about the possibilities of being an escort. It also lets me re-process everything that I've been through and really learn about myself. I thank you for your support.
@ anonymous:
Thanks sweety :) I would still tell the truth next time because I believe relationships that last need to be built on honesty.
As for SD arrangement...I think if you can juggle the two without them finding out...it might be best. Because you don't want to loose the financial support you are getting.
Believe me, it's not easy to find...at least that is what I found in my quest for a SD.
Update:
ReplyDeleteAfter 6 days of dead silence my boy sent me a text LOL...Telling me he misses our hang out time.
I told him if he hasn't changed the way he thinks, we would only be going around in circles.
He said he hasn't changed his mind and he is sorry for that.
I told him - you will find someone soon. have a good night...
And that was the last of him. I hope he doesn't contact me again because ...even though it has only been 1 week or so...I feel like this happened 6 months ago. I am soooo over it :D I feel great!!!
my boy "accepted" me but couldn't love me while I was working, and as I was falling in love for the first time I quit.
ReplyDeleteNow, I'm still in love but I can't escape this insecurity that either him or I may never get over that part of my life... Last week when I bought new shoes the bf questioned how I came across the money, for example.
I miss parts of my old life, too... gah. Basically [real] boys are a no win ha ha
@ hey.hana:
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting and for following! xoxo
sorry things did not work out for you. I too fell for an escort and it did not work out becuse of me and it was a bad break up and I felt like crap for the things I said. I would think that you would need to get out of the biz and move to a city that you never worked in and start over if you are looking for a real BF
ReplyDelete